Real L.O.V.E

So the thing on my mind the most today is the topic of love – – and what exactly is real love? I think this is largely owing to the fact that I had a great afternoon & evening with my special boyfriend today 🙂 But that is besides the point 🙂

Okay, so prior to the relationship I am currently in I had some very average relationships and one very, very lousy one filled with heart ache and loads of emotional abuse. While I don’t claim to be a love expert I do feel that I have some insights I would like to share.

I have a theory about love. Oftentimes people will start dating because boy meets girl, they attracted to one another, they get along fairly well and the natural progression of starting to date happens. Time marches on and you get along well still, you have fun, you have the odd fight but it’s not violent stuff. Your partner never does anything shocking enough (like cheating or lying) to make you break up with them. You, at some stage, get to a point where you’ve been together a long time and your friends and family start asking where is the relationship headed? When are you going to get engaged? Maybe the guy feels pressure, and eventually the two of you get engaged and married – – because it was the natural progression for the relationship. Seems fine, right? Your partner is nice. They have their flaws, but who doesn’t? And hey – – maybe you could do a lot worse. It’s fine, is it not?

I disagree!! I feel a relationship like this is why there are such high divorce rates nowadays. People just accept average relationships. So many people are afraid of being alone and afraid of wishing for more, so they accept a very average relationship where technically there is nothing wrong with the other person. But nothing wrong doesn’t imply that for you they are right!

I believe in a 99% match. No two people will be a 100% match – – we are all individuals. You can get a 50% match, a 60% match, maybe a 80% match and things will be fine. You’ll be alright together. But I believe a match like this will only ever lead to mediocre love. The 99% match is the person who doesn’t necessarily complete you, but rather they complement you. They allow you to be yourself. They understand you more than any other person. They don’t tolerant you – – they treasure you. Being with them makes you the best version of yourself because they encourage you to be just that. They do no smother you nor control you, and they support your dreams and your passions. They stick by you even through the not so glamorous times like messy flus, or depression, or sobbing fits. They enrich your life in a way that no other person can. With them, you never feel alone. With them you don’t experience just happiness on the surface, but rather a deep seeded level of contentment. The world is better because of this other person and you know for the rest of your days – – they’ll love and support you.The truly mundane can become interesting with them and there is an element that can only be described as magic in your life. For the rest of your life you know that they’ll notice all the tiny details in your day-to-day life that to outsiders may be unimportant but to them is everything.

This being said – – I’m truly blessed and fortunate that I have my 99% match, but – – for anybody who may not – – in my humble opinion, holding out for the 99% match, real L.O.V.E is well worth the wait! 🙂

perfectHeaven

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Your heart is my home

Your heart is my home

Your heart is my home
It is my refuge from the storm
It keeps me sound and secure
It keeps me warm

 

Your heart is my home
It is the only place I am me
Sealed between the walls
Is where I’ll always be

 

Your heart is my home
It’s my safe place
My haven, my sanctuary
The sphere’s most beautiful space

 

Your heart is my home
I find solace in it when I grow weary
Locked inside are all
My most precious memories

 

Your heart is my home
I take delight in it
It’s where all of my heart is kept
Every tiny bit

 

Your heart is my home
And my heart there will forever stay
For now and for always
Until my dying day

 [Written for my wonderful, kind and supportive boyfriend of two and a half years ❤ by me ]

You live & you learn

I guess the title suggests what this blog will be about – – heart ache. However, this will no be heartache in the classic sense  – – boy meets girl, girl loves boy and vice versa, boy/girl breaks the other’s heart – – nothing like that. I’m speaking about the heart ache that comes from losing somebody who you thought you never would. The loss of a best friend.

Let me share my experience. In school I didn’t have that many friends – – some – – not many. Enter my best friend. He was transferred from another school and we bonded one day after school while both standing waiting to be fetched. I knew who he was and he knew I was, and we kept looking at each other – – too shy to strike up a conversation. At that moment a swarm of bees came buzzing past – – you have never seen two chubby kids run so fast! 😀 We ended up laughing as we ran away and while I wish the start of our friendship had been more poetic – – that was it. We became best friends quickly after that :).

Throughout high school we were inseparable. I told him everything and he told me everything. I told him about my first kiss, my first boyfriend – – he told me about his first girlfriend, his first cigarette, and later – – I was one of the first he told when he realised he was gay. We always bonded over music, movies, books . . . Two nerds who had been separated at birth! My first public performance as a singer was with him at age 15. The two of us were there for each other through everything. We would have long talks over the phone, and sometimes he would show up in the middle of the night when he needed someone to talk to, He was my best friend – – my family. We had the kind of friendship so steeped in history that our conversations were filled with inside jokes so much so that outsiders never had a clue what we were talking about! 🙂 All this right up until our final year at school. . .

Everybody always told me that everything changes when you leave school and I always thought that we would be the exception and never the rule.

In our first year at university we were experimenting with the whole wild party scene but I quickly grew tired of it and he didn’t. He quickly became absorbed in wild parties and night life, and I pulled away from it. Still – – we would see each other on the odd occasion, have a laugh or two, and things were good. It wasn’t until I became totally focused on my studies and entered a serious relationship that everything changed.

Let me just say – – my boyfriend is wonderful. He is understanding, patient, funny and kind. I love him with all my heart. He is a geek (just like me) and most of our Friday nights are spent at home together cooking supper, drinking hot chocolate and watching game shows. We like it – – it makes us happy 🙂 It goes without saying – – I no longer attended the raucous parties, and quickly my best friend started spreading stories about me. “I’m dull”, “I’ve become boring.”, “My boyfriend controls my life.”, “I’ve changed.” and so on. He told everybody that our friendship was over – – except me.

I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been one of the most painful experiences of my life. To know your best friend is saying such things about you comes as a shock. It’s scary to see that maybe he never really knew me. Maybe he never actually knew that deep down I’m this serious little bookworm. Maybe he never actually knew me. Maybe half my life that I’ve dedicated to our friendship was a waste 😦 . Maybe, actually – – it was okay being friends while I was what he wanted me to be. It’s like I want to scream and say “it’s me! Do you not realise it’s me you doing this to? Your oldest friend? It’s me you shutting out your life!” I really saw the two of us rattling around an old age home someday, wrecking absolute havoc together! But sadly often life doesn’t work out the way we plan. I think a quote from Nicholas Sparks explains why this hurts so much – – ” The reason it hurts so much to seperate is because our souls are connected.”

Though it hurts like hell and I may miss my friend everyday, I have to just be strong & know that maybe sometimes people have their own paths to walk – – and sometimes that path may not include who you think you will. There isn’t much point in being bitter. All I can do is be grateful for the memories and 11 years of beautiful friendship and know – – “Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”  You live and you learn!

Goodbye my special friend. I’ll always love and miss you ❤