The Hollow – a poem

The Hollow

She wears a smile on a face

But in her heart she cries

The sun may shine outside

But not within her mind

She appears normal, average

Stable, well-adjusted, capable

But inside she feels like she is falling

Falling into a black abyss

She suffers in solitude

Even when she is in the middle of a crowd

She is completely isolated

She is lonely to the core of her soul

And all she can do is wait

Wait for the sun to come out

For it shine upon her face

And warm her heart

Wait for the hollow in her heart to close

Wait to feel alive again

In her heart of hearts

She knows all hope is not lost

Sometimes we need to weather the rain

Because itโ€™s often after the worst storms

That we see the most beautiful rainbow

 

Dr. Mindy Lahiri – – my friend :)

So . . what’s on my mind is a lot less serious than the stuff that has been the last couple days. Today I’ve been thinking about Dr. Mindy Lahiri from the Mindy Project (Mindy Kaling in real life). For those who have yet to watch the Mindy Project – – you are being robbed of the greatest show to hit TV screens since Friends (F.Y.I – – I’m a HUGE Friends fangirl ๐Ÿ™‚ ). Comparing something to Friends is not something I take lightly so this serves as an indication of just how brilliant this show actually is ;).

I find Mindy as a character to not only be delightful and so funny, but also a character real women can actually relate to. I called this post “Dr. Mindy Lahiri – – my friend” because it feels like she really could be someone I could picture myself sitting with in a coffee shop, gossiping about something or other. She jokes about overeating, romance, being chubby, hating working out – – all the usual women struggles that I feel some celebs try pretend aren’t actually struggles. It’s such a different, refreshing show. It’s great to see someone who women can relate to everywere. While watching The Mindy Project I will literally laugh out loud at the very least twice. There are too many wise cracks, and amongst these you get some pretty wise words too. I feel that Mindy Kaling is absolutely someone that real women can look up to ๐Ÿ™‚ . Mindy, obviously, is the star of the show but the rest of the cast in the show are pretty amazing too. Mindy Kaling has a book too called “Is everyone hanging out without me?”. Also absolutely brilliant and it really made me laugh! The character she plays in the Mindy Project is based on how she is in real life and I simply love it. Mindy never ceases to make my day ๐Ÿ™‚ To demonstrate my point, I will include a few quotes from The Mindy Project.

A women’s prison you guys? Come on, if I wanted to get shanked, I’d just shave my legs drunk again.

– Mindy Lahiri

 

Jeremy: The key, Mindy, is to find a man who you are attracted to, but don’t respect and can’t see a future with. [she was seeking advice about one nigh stands]
Mindy: Draco Malfoy.
Jeremy: Someone not fictitious

 

Maybe I won’t get married, ya know? Maybe I’ll do one of those ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ things. I don’t wanna pray. Forget it. I’ll die alone.

-Mindy Lahiri

 

Yet another funny line :)

Yet another funny line ๐Ÿ™‚

Mindy is absolutely hilarious! :)

Mindy is absolutely hilarious! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

So that is all I have to say today – – watch The Mindy Project – – it’ll truly enrich your life and give you many laughs! ๐Ÿ˜‰

you go girl!

Real L.O.V.E

So the thing on my mind the most today is the topic of love – – and what exactly is real love? I think this is largely owing to the fact that I had a great afternoon & evening with my special boyfriend today ๐Ÿ™‚ But that is besides the point ๐Ÿ™‚

Okay, so prior to the relationship I am currently in I had some very average relationships and one very, very lousy one filled with heart ache and loads of emotional abuse. While I don’t claim to be a love expert I do feel that I have some insights I would like to share.

I have a theory about love. Oftentimes people will start dating because boy meets girl, they attracted to one another, they get along fairly well and the natural progression of starting to date happens. Time marches on and you get along well still, you have fun, you have the odd fight but it’s not violent stuff. Your partner never does anything shocking enough (like cheating or lying) to make you break up with them. You, at some stage, get to a point where you’ve been together a long time and your friends and family start asking where is the relationship headed? When are you going to get engaged? Maybe the guy feels pressure, and eventually the two of you get engaged and married – – because it was the natural progression for the relationship. Seems fine, right? Your partner is nice. They have their flaws, but who doesn’t? And hey – – maybe you could do a lot worse. It’s fine, is it not?

I disagree!! I feel a relationship like this is why there are such high divorce rates nowadays. People just accept average relationships. So many people are afraid of being alone and afraid of wishing for more, so they accept a very average relationship where technically there is nothing wrong with the other person. But nothing wrong doesn’t imply that for you they are right!

I believe in a 99% match. No two people will be a 100% match – – we are all individuals. You can get a 50% match, a 60% match, maybe a 80% match and things will be fine. You’ll be alright together. But I believe a match like this will only ever lead to mediocre love. The 99% match is the person who doesn’t necessarily complete you, but rather they complement you. They allow you to be yourself. They understand you more than any other person. They don’t tolerant you – – they treasure you. Being with them makes you the best version of yourself because they encourage you to be just that. They do no smother you nor control you, and they support your dreams and your passions. They stick by you even through the not so glamorous times like messy flus, or depression, or sobbing fits. They enrich your life in a way that no other person can. With them, you never feel alone. With them you don’t experience just happiness on the surface, but rather a deep seeded level of contentment. The world is better because of this other person and you know for the rest of your days – – they’ll love and support you.The truly mundane can become interesting with them and there is an element that can only be described as magic in your life. For the rest of your life you know that they’ll notice all the tiny details in your day-to-day life that to outsiders may be unimportant but to them is everything.

This being said – – I’m truly blessed and fortunate that I have my 99% match, but – – for anybody who may not – – in my humble opinion, holding out for the 99% match, real L.O.V.E is well worth the wait! ๐Ÿ™‚

perfectHeaven

My thoughts on “The Fault in our Stars” by John Green

Well , let me start by saying that I am quite a bookworm. When I have the time I can read your average length novel in a day and a half. I’ve read many. many books and let me just say – – The Fault in our Stars – ย – what an absolute masterpiece! I’m not usually one who cries in books – – movies from time to time – – but books never. Well, I think reading this made up for every time I didn’t cry in a book! Gosh. So sad but yet so beautiful at the same time.

I loved how humble and down to Earth Hazel was and I absolutely adored the wittiness and charisma of Augustus. Together they make a delightful and witty couple. The characters were so real and I felt I could so easily relate to them. When I read the book synopsis, it described them as teenagers and I sort of expecting the book to be a little childish because the narrator would be a teenage girl but it wasn’t AT ALL! I felt like a lot of the book could be applicable to all people – – across all walks of life. Anybody who has ever loved and lost, anybody who has ever known love, known suffering, known fear, known disappointment (I know we ALL have) could relate to this magnificent book! It’s been a while since I’ve read a book, and once I’d finished just sat with my mind reeling, scrambling to try replay all the beautiful words I had just read. It’s been a while since a book truly touched me transported me to another world and I have to say – – The Fault in our Stars definitely did this! I recommend it 100%.I have yet to see the movie but I’m scared now the book may have set the bar too high :p.ย 

Just to finish off this blog I have included some of my absolute favourite and most touching quotes from this gorgeous novel ๐Ÿ™‚

โ€œMaybe ‘okay’ will be our ‘alwaysโ€

-Augustus Waters

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โ€œAs he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.โ€

– Hazel Grace

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And my absolute favourite โค

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โ€œThere are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I’m likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.โ€

– Hazel Grace

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It is strange and ironic but the only accurate way I can explain the way I feel about this book is from the book itself! ๐Ÿ™‚ Here it is:

โ€œSometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.โ€
โ€• John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Make the right choice: Read this stunning book! ๐Ÿ™‚

Your heart is my home

Your heart is my home

Your heart is my home
It is my refuge from the storm
It keeps me sound and secure
It keeps me warm

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Your heart is my home
It is the only place I am me
Sealed between the walls
Is where Iโ€™ll always be

ย 

Your heart is my home
Itโ€™s my safe place
My haven, my sanctuary
The sphereโ€™s most beautiful space

ย 

Your heart is my home
I find solace in it when I grow weary
Locked inside are all
My most precious memories

ย 

Your heart is my home
I take delight in it
Itโ€™s where all of my heart is kept
Every tiny bit

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Your heart is my home
And my heart there will forever stay
For now and for always
Until my dying day

ย [Written for my wonderful, kind and supportive boyfriend of two and a half years โค by me ]

You live & you learn

I guess the title suggests what this blog will be about – – heart ache. However, this will no be heartache in the classic sense ย – – boy meets girl, girl loves boy and vice versa, boy/girl breaks the other’s heart – – nothing like that. I’m speaking about the heart ache that comes from losing somebody who you thought you never would. The loss of a best friend.

Let me share my experience. In school I didn’t have that many friends – – some – – not many. Enter my best friend. He was transferred from another school and we bonded one day after school while both standing waiting to be fetched. I knew who he was and he knew I was, and we kept looking at each other – – too shy to strike up a conversation. At that moment a swarm of bees came buzzing past – – you have never seen two chubby kids run so fast! ๐Ÿ˜€ We ended up laughing as we ran away and while I wish the start of our friendship had been more poetic – – that was it. We became best friends quickly after that :).

Throughout high school we were inseparable. I told him everything and he told me everything. I told him about my first kiss, my first boyfriend – – he told me about his first girlfriend, his first cigarette, and later – – I was one of the first he told when he realised he was gay. We always bonded over music, movies, books . . . Two nerds who had been separated at birth! My first public performance as a singer was with him at age 15. The two of us were there for each other through everything. We would have long talks over the phone, and sometimes he would show up in the middle of the night when he needed someone to talk to, He was my best friend – – my family. We had the kind of friendship so steeped in history that our conversations were filled with inside jokes so much so that outsiders never had a clue what we were talking about! ๐Ÿ™‚ All this right up until our final year at school. . .

Everybody always told me that everything changes when you leave school and I always thought that we would be the exception and never the rule.

In our first year at university we were experimenting with the whole wild party scene but I quickly grew tired of it and he didn’t. He quickly became absorbed in wild parties and night life, and I pulled away from it. Still – – we would see each other on the odd occasion, have a laugh or two, and things were good. It wasn’t until I became totally focused on my studies and entered a serious relationship that everything changed.

Let me just say – – my boyfriend is wonderful. He is understanding, patient, funny and kind. I love him with all my heart. He is a geek (just like me) and most of our Friday nights are spent at home together cooking supper, drinking hot chocolate and watching game shows. We like it – – it makes us happy ๐Ÿ™‚ It goes without saying – – I no longer attended the raucous parties, and quickly my best friend started spreading stories about me. “I’m dull”, “I’ve become boring.”, “My boyfriend controls my life.”, “I’ve changed.” and so on. He told everybody that our friendship was over – – except me.

I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been one of the most painful experiences of my life. To know your best friend is saying such things about you comes as a shock. It’s scary to see that maybe he never really knew me. Maybe he never actually knew that deep down I’m this serious little bookworm. Maybe he never actually knew me. Maybe half my life that I’ve dedicated to our friendship was a waste ๐Ÿ˜ฆ . Maybe, actually – – it was okay being friends while I was what he wanted me to be. It’s like I want to scream and say “it’s me! Do you not realise it’s me you doing this to? Your oldest friend? It’s me you shutting out your life!” I really saw the two of us rattling around an old age home someday, wrecking absolute havoc together! But sadly often life doesn’t work out the way we plan. I think a quote from Nicholas Sparks explains why this hurts so much – – ” The reason it hurts so much to seperate is because our souls are connected.”

Though it hurts like hell and I may miss my friend everyday, I have to just be strong & know that maybe sometimes people have their own paths to walk – – and sometimes that path may not include who you think you will. There isn’t much point in being bitter. All I can do is be grateful for the memories and 11 years of beautiful friendship and know – –ย โ€œLetting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.โ€ ย You live and you learn!

Goodbye my special friend. I’ll always love and miss you โค

 

A few thoughts on social media

Today is day number one that I’ve deactivated my Facebook account. I just decided it was time! I feel too often Facebook gets in the way of real life. I often find while I’m enjoying myself – – I stop and wanna post a picture of the good time on Facebook! Strange , don’t ya think? Furthermore, I’m more and more seeing it as this online popularity contest where all the results are known!

Some people will post the silliest junk and get 50 likes – – and somebody else will post something witty and well thought out but because they don’t have as many “friends” on Facebook will get not a single like. I feel like it’s causing people to live behind electronic screens instead of out in the real world. I feel like it’s a platform for people to actually just be nosy. If somebody truly cares about you, they’ll be updated on the ins and outs of your life. No updates necessary! ๐Ÿ˜‰ย 

I feel like social media in general is a thief of time (this is, of course, if we allow it). People also are trying to make their lives seem 10x more appealing than they really are. I mean – – how many likes will a person get for updating a status “sitting on my bed in my PJ’s – – blogging ๐Ÿ™‚ ” (that is what I’m currently doing by the way ๐Ÿ™‚ ). Probably not many – – it’s quite dull. But a status like “a FABULOUS date night with the girls – – let’s paint the town RED!!!” is likely to get quite a few more. When in actual fact you were probably dreading “girl’s night” because you tired, stressed and have nothing to wear LOL ๐Ÿ™‚ People are painting their lives to be wildly exciting when this probably isn’t the case at all.ย 

I feel like it’s my time to wake up – – disconnect from the screen, live a little more, be poking my nose less into the business of those who actually aren’t my friends. I’ll maintain my Pinterest profile because my reasoning behind that is to entertain myself with recipes, and DIY ideas, and I’m thinking I’ll enjoy this blogging thing to have a place to speak my mind ๐Ÿ™‚

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So for now. . this is me. Facebook FREE ๐Ÿ™‚

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